Friday, January 9, 2009

The forgotten memories....

He has enough of all this talk of moving on and getting on with his life. Its easier said than done. Lying on his bed, he keeps thinking of what he had done to deserve this. To deserve such coldness and hatred. His life is not perfect. Its never always up as many thinks but there are just some down times which he hides from the world. Its been so long since he broke up with the one he loved. But why can't he just move on? Why is he holding back with all the memories when he knows he can never get her back. He feels like a rose with all its petals thorn off from its stem. His soul is weak, his feelings fragile. On the outside, he seems so okay, but deep inside, he is just broken. Broken into so many pieces. Healing is hard, it takes time for the healing to begin, needless to say how long it will take for it to heal.

Looking back at his memories of himself and her, he wishes he could go back in time, to erase all these memories. No, he does not want to change it to make it better because he knows it will only hurt him the more. Problems will always arise. He just wants to forget. Erase all the memory of loving someone, erase all the fun memories of him and her, erase all those arguments they had. He feels bad of the things he said and the things she said to him. They were once so in love. Thinking about marriage and children and a future together. It is all lost now. Those words said are all pointless, meaningless.

He resorts to busying himself with life. To get away from the memories of him and her. But how can he? The memories keep haunting him when he tries to close his eyes at night, when is free from all work. He is running in circles. Every time he thinks he has overcome the obstacles of these problems, it keeps creeping back to his heart. It hurts, everyone know. Everyone seems to know. But he guesses they all don't know how he feels until they face it themselves.

Its a lesson and an experience he just have to go through. It might take years or months. Who knows. Maybe till he finds someone to love. He knows who love him most. He knows his family is there for him. He apologizes to his family for being like this. An emotional wreak. Who says guys are insensitive and emotionless?

Step by step he walks into darkness. But someone is pulling him out all the time. He is thankful to His heavenly father for loving him, for guiding him. But he is so rebellious, ignoring the lessons and the advices His Heavenly Father has sent to him. He tries to be strong, but he is not. So not strong. He can't continue on like this. He needs to get rid of his sinful and rebellious ways.

"Time to listen, Time to learn, Time to move on my son" His Heavenly Father calls out. "Its not love, if you can't let go of what you hold most dear"

He is going to try. Trying to be positive. He would like to apologize to the one he once loved for this one last time:" Sorry for the things said and done. No matter who is at fault. I just want to say I am sorry. Forgive me if you can. And may you have a great life. I'm sorry."

He is moving on. Walking into a brighter tomorrow. He is pursuing his bright future.

It is going to be bright...

By Aaron

p.s. Sorry for such an emo post. Just felt like writing it. :)


Daphne said...

there is no words to explain the pain that u r having, i truely understand tat...but look into the bright way my friend,life is full with passbyers, and from there we learn to be a better person than we were is hard to let go, but it is indeed the best way to heal.
a sincere advice, just let it go, and let it be. no matter what happens in future, just smile and be happy for what its going to be. your heart will show u the way. :)

Aaron C. said...

NO NO, its not about me. HAHA... Its just some emo thing that i felt like writing. Its not about me. Maybe smth which i had felt. Its good to just write it out. HAHA... I let it go... But for the sake of writing it. I did

LauraLeia said...

Emo-ness can be so awesome sometimes.

Great post. =D

Aaron C. said...

HAHA... Yesh... But not too much.. Later lead to depression..